A small big blog

I'm feeling unusually bored today and I cannot point a finger to the reason why I'[m feeling that way today. Well, actually, I've had a pretty good day so far. Most of the things I had planned on doing today at work have been completed successfully. But there is still a niggling sense of boredom at the back of my mind.(Nope! ... it doesn't have anything to do with today being 9/11). Darn!! ... I hate this!!

I don't feel like blogging today... but I want to blog. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?!... It does... to me!!

So, I'm just gonna publish something I've written a long time back. Maybe you've already read it, because I did include link for it in the control panel, to the right.

You all will have to bear with me through this self-indulgent rant that follows. Ok, so here goes...

My Dieting Blues

"You won't be required to learn swimming now!" my sister opened a conversation one day with this cryptic remark. Cryptic because there was no mention of 'swimming' in the recent past as far as my recollection of the event goes.

I guess she must have seen the question mark on my face because she went on to explain, "You see, fat people are supposed to float naturally on water!" I was speechless for a few moments in which my mind reeled under this caustic barb.

'Fat' was certainly not how I liked to describe myself. 'Big-boned', 'healthy', etc. were the euphemistic terms that I reckoned fit me better. But then the damage was done. I couldn't get the word 'fat' out of my head from then on. At every possible opportunity I managed to sneak glances at myself in the mirror (trying to be as nonchalant as possible while doing so, because I certainly did not want to be branded as 'vain'). Slowly the realisation dawned (and not a moment too soon) that I had indeed put on some amount of weight that I could easily have done without.

So now what could be done? Yes, a diet would certainly fit the bill here, I thought. So that moment saw me vehemently promising to go on a diet aiming at a fitter and slimmer me. But then I knew nothing about going on a diet. Sure, I had heard a lot of things. But how in the name of God does one start off? Ignorance was certainly not bliss in this case. I started reading health magazines and websites by the dozen. I consulted family members, friends, their family members, their friends and so on and so forth till I met so many people that I felt I had proved the theory of 'six degrees of separation'. I got gorgeously different advice from each of them.

A category of people gave advice on food. One said, "Stop eating potatoes". Another said, "Stop eating rice". Still another quipped, "Stop eating anything for dinner". And another threw in "Stop eating.". Another group of people attacked my lifestyle. "Start exercising!", "Stop late nights", "Stop smoking" (I don't know why I was given this advice. I never smoke), "Stop drinking alcohol", "Change your job. Try a field job", "Shift out of the city to a village". An elderly gentleman even asked me to go find inner peace by throwing myself at the feet of God (I wonder how that helps!).

My mind was a vortex of ideas and suggestions, all spinning around rapidly and causing even more confusion than I had started out with. Finally I decided to start the actual diet with a plan of my own. The first thing I did, was to get myself weighed on a weighing scale at a railway station. I stood on the scale, inserted a coin in the slot and waited as the machinery inside the colourful scale began whirring. Before long, a card, much like a railway ticket, popped out which in turn had me eyes popping out reading the registered weight. I definitely needed to diet.And diet hard!

So I did just that!Or at least I started!!... The chocolates stopped. So did the sweets. I rationed the amount of tea/coffee that I consumed during the day. I started eating lesser amount of virtually everything I ate. Someone told me to have lots of water during the day. I complied and it helped too. I burnt a fair amount of calories just making the frequent (and urgent!) trips to the loo!

My mom suggested that I have lemon juice mixed with honey in lukewarm water in the mornings on an empty stomach. Who can refuse a mom? So I did that too. Other than starting the day with the sour taste of lemons in my mouth it did nothing for my weight. On the contrary I started having something sweet just to remove that confounded taste from my mouth.

By the start of the second week, I could make out no difference in my figure as I gazed at myself in the mirror looking for signs of success. Disappointed but not disheartened, I vowed to continue the diet. But it was difficult. Returning home from the office, everyday I could smell the wonderful aroma of food being cooked. This used to send the crows in my tummy into frenzy, caw-cawing raucously. But then the word 'Fat' used to dance in front of my mind's eyes, and I could do nothing other than let the crows shout till they dropped dead inside my stomach. I would then proceed to bury them under salads of various kinds.

It was worse when I saw my friends eating ice creams and sweets. I barely managed to stop myself from drooling in public. At the end of the second week I decided to stop this madness from driving me round the bend. This was it, I decided. I have to check up on my progress and decide the further course of action. The weighing scale at the railway station beckoned again. And I went to it. As I climbed on to it, I could hear my heart beating out aloud. Then I inserted a coin in the slot and waited. The machinery inside the scale once again started its cheerful dance. As the disc rotated around in circles, I found myself praying to god. There was a clicking sound and the disc stopped. Another set of clicks and a card popped its head out of a slot. I removed the card with my eyes closed and held it in front of my face. And slowly opened my eyes.

This time thankfully, the eyes did not pop out of the sockets. How could they?!

It was the same figure that had filled my consciousness for the past two weeks. I was accustomed to it.

My eyes didn't pop out.

Among other things... I had been to my uncle's place in New Bombay, yesterday. They have Ganapati at their house and so I'd gone there with my mom, dad and sis. The drive going there was pretty smooth. But, the drive back was a headache since there was some checking going on at Sion where the police had set up a naka-bandi. This had resulted in a bumper-to-bumper traffic right from Sion upto Chembur. And the cars moved only inches at a time. By the time we reached home, I had a headache measuring 8.7 on the Richter scale!! *LOL*

That's all folks! (tell me... who has made this line famous... I mean, "That's all folks!" ? ... This is your homework for the day! *LOL*)

cheers!